28th November 2019

Yesterday, after a sleepless night, I got up feeling anxious. I knew already that it was going to be a long day, waiting. Waiting for a specific e-mail. After three long months, I was going to receive the score for my final dissertation. During the past three months, I didn’t think much about it, I thought that there was time and that I didn’t have to worry over something that wasn’t happening too soon. But yesterday I realized that later was now. And suddenly my mind was full of doubts, yeah, I know that wasn’t my first dissertation and that in the last year I studied night and day. But I couldn’t remove all these stressful ideas out of my mind. What if my analysis was wrong? And if I misspelled my name or my supervisor’s name? And if I mad some typos? I’ve spent the whole morning with all these questions in my mind. I felt like crying, like throwing up and then crying again, It was like being in an emotional roller-coaster with no ends. During lunchtime, I was seated with my family and I couldn’t talk at all. Everyone was looking at me with apprehension. They couldn’t talk freely since I was sitting there wallowing myself in a pit of desperation.

After our lunch full of despair, I cleaned the kitchen with a cloud full of sorrow on top of my head. With the time passing, I started to accept that soon or later I would receive an email with “FAIL” written on it. I was 100% sure about it. But the time was so slow, and my anxiety was growing more and more. Anxiety and resignation were alternating in my mind. I started to have a strong headache and my hands were sweating like crazy.
Then suddenly I received a message! It was from my best friend (that she was also my classmate) saying: “Did you receive something? The e-mails are coming.” There I almost had a heart attack I opened my email reloading the page every second. And my mind was already full of other questions: Why I am not receiving anything? Is it because I failed? What if is it really a failure? I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

5 minutes…

10 minutes…

15 minutes…

My head was pounding like crazy and

and my hands were sweating.

20 minut… wait here it is!

Finally, the e-mail arrived while I was opening it my mind was rushing, and all the ideas were spinning everywhere. My family was next to me holding their breaths, they wanted to know as much as me.

After reading the result I was able just to cry, the tears were covering my eyes and I couldn’t hear any sound around me. All the questions and doubts disappeared, I passed, and not only I passed, but I also received one of my highest scores ever. This emotional roller-coaster ended in a warm hug from my loved ones. Here it is, the end of my student life and the beginning of a new chapter.

Salut my dearest

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